Top 10 Gas Station Snacks

Gas. Oil. Water.

Forty years ago, gas stations were called service stations, and that’s what you got. You’d sit in your car and the attendant would fill ‘er up with gas, check the oil and water, chat about the weather, you’d fork over a few bucks and then ease on down the road.

Today you can still get gas, oil and water for your car, but so much more for yourself! The possibilities are endless! Space and time are limited here, so enjoy the TOP TEN SNACKS you can find in a gas station. This list is certainly not definitive, but it’s based on my years of careful observation as a trained, professional snack critic.

10. JUMBO JARS OF PICKLED EGGS

In college I worked behind the counter at a gas station for half a summer, and the only person I ever saw eat pickled eggs was a homeless guy named Wig who washed them down with 40 oz. bottles of malt liquor. Maybe there’s a “Wig” in every neighborhood, ’cause someone’s eating these things. I’ve heard they’re popular in midwestern taverns, so maybe you have to be pickled yourself to properly enjoy them.

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9. PICKLE IN A BAG

Fellow snacker Allissa featured this in the “Why File” for a reason. Who in their right mind would eat these besides demented freaks and snack critics? Still, these science-projects-in-a-bag lurk menacingly in gas stations and convenience stores throughout the modern world. Is it just me, or do they remind you of Invasion of the Body Snatchers?

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8. HOT DOGS

Not bad if they’re fresh and you haven’t eaten all day, but mostly these meat tubes spend their time rolling around on metal cylinders underneath heat lamps for more hours than good sense dictates. One must have a powerful craving to venture anywhere near these.

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7. NACHOS

Again, if the stars and planets are properly aligned, gas station nachos can be uniquely satisfying. And the bright orange cheese-food goo is tantalizing to the eye and makes a funny sound as it spurts from the shiny cheese-food dispenser spout.

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6. BURRITOS

Frozen burritos have come a long way. Maybe it’s the improved microwave technology or the space-age polymers found in burritos nowadays, but some varieties actually taste like real food! Remember to wait at least an hour before eating a heated burrito - any sooner and it’s still likely to be as hot as the surface of the sun.

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5. BEEF JERKY & SLIM JIMS

A classic road trip snack for its durability and high salt content - a strip of jerky will last for weeks in a glove compartment or under a bucket seat. Slim Jims (those mini-sausage tubes) have a shorter shelf life. Gas and meat: it’s a guy thing.

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4. SNACK CAKES

The folks at Hostess have pretty much cornered the market on tasty snack cakes, and I have a personal bias toward them: Zingers were my first childhood snack cake experience, the yellow ones with the frosting that resembles cheese. The only trouble with gas station snack cakes is deciding which one(s) to snatch up.

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3. PIES

What’s more American than apple pie? A Chevy! And quick snacks! Not to mention pies of every stripe: blueberry, cherry, lemon, and chocolate. You can find all these and so much more at your friendly neighborhood gas station.

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2. CHIPS

There’s nothing more satisfying than chomping onto a salty chip, be it corn, potato, or whole grain. You feel industrious, like you’re accomplishing something worthwhile, toiling away in the snack trenches, subjecting your teeth to the myriad dangers of crunchy snacks. All in a day’s work.

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1. BIG GULPS

(Photo courtesy of People Magazine)

This includes all beverages, because everyone gets thirsty on the road, but the iconic BIG DRINKS get top billing. Even Billie-Holiday-channeling songstress and tabloid favorite Amy Winehouse appreciates a Big Gulp (one in each fist) while hobnobbing with the paparazzi. Never gonna go to rehab without her Slurpee, either. Drink up, America!

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