Snack Review: Chocolate Chip Cookie Showdown

The recent issue of Consumer Reports rates chocolate chip cookies. I was - intrigued? offended? dubious? - to find that two brands outranked my favorite Chips Ahoy.

I mean, “favorite” isn’t even the word. In my mind they are the standard, the traditional, THE American cookie. What’s more, they are outranked in these ratings by Keebler.

Here’s the truth, people: As far as I know I’ve NEVER eaten a Keebler cookie. I’ve certainly never chosen to buy them myself. I don’t want cookies baked by creepy little elves in a dirty forest. And yet, Keebler were ranked “very good” and Chips Ahoy only “good.”

Well, this was a challenge. And - what if they were actually better? So of course I had to try them.

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Top 10 Places to Find Free Snacks

Snacks: we eat them all the time… sometimes until no room remains for actual meals. But the term “snack” means different things to different people. While most of us agree that a snack is smaller and less filling than a meal, some would consider a Starbucks Frappuccino a snack, while others might opt for a pack of edamame or a half-order of buffalo wings. No matter what brings us individual snacking pleasure, there’s one other thing most people tend to agree on: snacks are even tastier when they’re free.

As a former poor college student, and a cheapskate in general, I’ve become somewhat of an expert in finding free food. Some of what I’ve found over the years has been atrocious, but I’ve found a fair amount of four-and-five star snacking destinations also. Below, I’ve compiled a list of my top ten places to find free snacks. My rankings are based on several factors including free snack variety, quality, and ubiquity of locations. May your taste buds be satisfied, and your stomach - and wallet - never empty!

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Snack Review: Smooze! Fruit Ice

I was a sucker for the romance of these when I saw them at my nemesis, Whole Foods. Made of little else besides coconut milk and fruit juice, they are “freshly packed at our farm located on the Equator in East Sumatra, Indonesia,” says the box. And so politically correct: “Our focus on environmental and ethical best practices ensures self sufficiency and sustainability.”

All that, and a delicious snack too? Is it possible? They say that they have “a constant supply of fresh, ripe fruits packed in optimal conditions within hours of picking.” It can’t get better than that, right? And only fifty calories each!

Anyway, they had me at “coconut milk.” It’s one of my weaknesses. There was no way I could avoid trying these.

I couldn’t decide what flavor, though. Hello, snack-makers! Please note: a variety pack is ALWAYS a good idea. Unfortunately, one was not offered in this case, so I had to make a choice. I am a huge fan of mango, as I often mention. But because, as a result, I am very opinionated about mango, I thought maybe that would be an unfair trial. Maybe passion fruit would be a better idea.

Good try. I bought the passion fruit flavor. But then I had to go back to the store and get mango also. The things I do for you, dear readers. I hope you appreciate it.

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Snack Review: Whole Foods 365 Organic Chocolate Chip Cookies

You may wonder why I keep buying cookies at Whole Foods, given my past experience. Which is at best indifferent (think Crummy Brothers Chocolate Chip Cookies) and at worst, infuriating (Late July, I’m looking at you).

The fact is that I live basically right across the street from a Whole Foods. Whereas the Safeway is five blocks away. And given the total lack of meal planning in my household I am in the Whole Foods most days of the week. And given that I crave a snack every day of the week… well, you see the inevitable result.

I am determined, therefore, to find something that will work to fulfill my chocolate-chip cravings without walking all the way to another supermarket. My chocolate-chip craving is usually looking for either a completely homemade cookie, or for Chips Ahoy, which is the brand I have been eating all my life. The in-store bakery has something that will do for the homemade thing. But what about that all-American craving for a cookie made in a huge factory by an enormous corporate conglomerate?

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Snack Review: Whole Foods Gigantic Cookie Sandwiches

Those of you who, like me, are ancient kids of the early ’90s, may remember a toy called the Dr. Dreadful Laboratory. The commercial featured a wild-haired scientist-type touting goodies that “look gross but taste great!” Why anyone would take slimy, cockroach-shaped gummis from a mad scientist is beyond me – yet, I ended up begging my mom for one of the good doctor’s gummi labs. While concocting the candy was fun enough, I found most of it tasted only marginally better than it looked.

What dredged this memory from the annals of my subconscious was my discovery a few days ago of a sort of reverse-Dr. Dreadful Laboratory. At Whole Foods, undoubted champion in the battle of the overpriced grocery stores, I came across a slew of gigantic store-made cookie sandwiches. They looked great, but tasted gross!

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