Milkshakes have always been an important part of the complete snacker’s repertoire, and with the success of this year’s There Will Be Blood and the popularity of the quirky and brilliantly creepy “milkshake” scene (is there any doubt that Daniel Day-Lewis is a genius?), there seems to be a slight surge in popularity for the frosty and deeply satisfying drink.

You can also find t-shirts at the “Ultimate T-Shirt Search Engine” Teenormous featuring the milkshake-drinking catchphrase.

With cooler weather upon us, or at least gaining on us, I took one last look at this summertime beverage and compared a few of the choices on the market. Here are the astounding results.
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OK, this is my own fault. I do nothing but complain about the passing of the Good Old Snacking Days and yelling at those new-fangled ice cream flavors to get off of my lawn. I even wrote in my peach ice cream article about my fear that one of my favorite old flavors, vanilla fudge twirl, might be extinct.

So what do I do when faced by a virtual wall of flavors that includes my favorite old standby? Do I stick faithfully to the old friend when he shows up, after all that complaining that he never calls and never writes? Do I rejoice at his return?

No. What I do is get distracted by all the choices and pick another flavor. Because look - vanilla fudge brownie. It’s exactly like vanilla fudge twirl except that it also has pieces of brownie in it. How can you lose?
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Confession: I’m a die-hard Burt’s Bees fan. I know this probably makes me a yuppie-in-training, but I just can’t resist their folksy packaging and quality balm product.

So when I saw Bumble Bars in the organic aisle of my grocery store, I knew I had to try them. It’s genius, really. Imitate the look of a product that your target demographic already loves, and watch your latest vegan creation fly off the health food shelves. I swear, even the words “Gluten Free” could not dissuade me from buying this snack.

But, as the sages have taught us, thou shalt not judge a snack by its wrapper. Just because something LOOKS like it will be folksy and traditional, does not necessarily mean it will be. Had I remembered this credo, I probably wouldn’t have gasped (literally, gasped) upon freeing my Bumble Bar from its sleeve.
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I don’t usually bother with low fat ice cream. I’d rather just eat a smaller portion less often of something that’s actually good.

I decided to try this anyway because it got a good review in Consumer Reports. I am ambivalent about the food reviews in Consumer Reports. On the one hand, they seem to be quite systematic and to have some idea of what they’re talking about. On the other hand, you turn the page and there’s an article telling you that when you grill food, you should wrap it in foil and make sure it doesn’t get any charred parts because they are bad for you. Hello, CR, did you ever notice that the tasty charred parts are the only conceivable reason to grill something instead of cooking it in a convenient indoor kitchen??

Anyway, the chocolate flavor was rated “very good” and described as “No flaws; typical chocolate ice cream.” Not exactly a rave, but, hey, I’d be thrilled if someone told me I had no flaws, right? Read the rest of this snack article

Still heartbroken from my reunion with the Chocolate Éclair bar, I turned my attention to a modern creation, one without a past to live up to, an ice cream novelty designed for grownups. These two-bite-sized, chocolate-coated, ice cream bar-nugget things are practically diet food, in my household. It’s all about portion control! One is only sixty calories, and they are so good that if you are paying attention while you eat it, one can be satisfying enough. (Note: it helps, of course, not to eat it while standing in the open freezer door where you can just reach in and grab another.)

These are obviously designed for a fairly sophisticated palate. I am a snob about dark chocolate, and I have no complaints with the dark chocolate coating. For technical reasons, ice cream coating can never be identical to a dark chocolate bar, but this is probably as good as it gets. The coating is thin, which is as it should be. And the small size is good for reasons other than restraint: the coating/ice cream ratio per bite is very nice.

The box contains nuggets with both chocolate and vanilla ice cream inside. In case you’re as slow a learner as I am, here’s a hint: You don’t need to bite one open to see which flavor it is. The chocolate ones are decorated with a few thin stripes of milk chocolate; the vanilla ones are undecorated. You’re welcome.

• Dove Chocolate Ice Cream Website