Snack Review: New Zealand Natural Ice Cream

I’m kind of a strange choice when it comes to reviewing ice cream. You see, after jaw surgery in my teens, I was left with two small metal plates in my upper jaw. You know how painful metal can be to touch when it’s cold outside? That’s kind of how my jaw starts to feel after too much ice cream. So, I eat it sparingly, and when I do eat it, I want it to be good.

Now we come to the question of what exactly entails good ice cream. If you were to set a dish of Häagen-Dazs ice cream next to a dish of generic grocery store brand ice cream, I will inevitably choose the generic brand. I can’t explain it, but I like cheap stuff. New Zealand Natural Ice Cream is NOT cheap. With that in mind, how would this premium ice cream fare in my freezer?

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I Drink Your MILKSHAKE!

Milkshakes have always been an important part of the complete snacker’s repertoire, and with the success of this year’s There Will Be Blood and the popularity of the quirky and brilliantly creepy “milkshake” scene (is there any doubt that Daniel Day-Lewis is a genius?), there seems to be a slight surge in popularity for the frosty and deeply satisfying drink.

You can also find t-shirts at the “Ultimate T-Shirt Search Engine” Teenormous featuring the milkshake-drinking catchphrase.

With cooler weather upon us, or at least gaining on us, I took one last look at this summertime beverage and compared a few of the choices on the market. Here are the astounding results.

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Snack Review: Breyers Vanilla Fudge Brownie Ice Cream

OK, this is my own fault. I do nothing but complain about the passing of the Good Old Snacking Days and yelling at those new-fangled ice cream flavors to get off of my lawn. I even wrote in my peach ice cream article about my fear that one of my favorite old flavors, vanilla fudge twirl, might be extinct.

So what do I do when faced by a virtual wall of flavors that includes my favorite old standby? Do I stick faithfully to the old friend when he shows up, after all that complaining that he never calls and never writes? Do I rejoice at his return?

No. What I do is get distracted by all the choices and pick another flavor. Because look - vanilla fudge brownie. It’s exactly like vanilla fudge twirl except that it also has pieces of brownie in it. How can you lose?

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Snack Review: Bumble Bar

Confession: I’m a die-hard Burt’s Bees fan. I know this probably makes me a yuppie-in-training, but I just can’t resist their folksy packaging and quality balm product.

So when I saw Bumble Bars in the organic aisle of my grocery store, I knew I had to try them. It’s genius, really. Imitate the look of a product that your target demographic already loves, and watch your latest vegan creation fly off the health food shelves. I swear, even the words “Gluten Free” could not dissuade me from buying this snack.

But, as the sages have taught us, thou shalt not judge a snack by its wrapper. Just because something LOOKS like it will be folksy and traditional, does not necessarily mean it will be. Had I remembered this credo, I probably wouldn’t have gasped (literally, gasped) upon freeing my Bumble Bar from its sleeve.

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Snack Review: Edy’s Slow Churned Neapolitan Ice Cream

I don’t usually bother with low fat ice cream. I’d rather just eat a smaller portion less often of something that’s actually good.

I decided to try this anyway because it got a good review in Consumer Reports. I am ambivalent about the food reviews in Consumer Reports. On the one hand, they seem to be quite systematic and to have some idea of what they’re talking about. On the other hand, you turn the page and there’s an article telling you that when you grill food, you should wrap it in foil and make sure it doesn’t get any charred parts because they are bad for you. Hello, CR, did you ever notice that the tasty charred parts are the only conceivable reason to grill something instead of cooking it in a convenient indoor kitchen??

Anyway, the chocolate flavor was rated “very good” and described as “No flaws; typical chocolate ice cream.” Not exactly a rave, but, hey, I’d be thrilled if someone told me I had no flaws, right?
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