Snack Review: Little Debbie Muffins

I imagined it old school style.

Richard Dawson kissin’ up on the ladies, the giant Family Feud board behind him as he repeats the question: “Name something special you might eat for breakfast.” He winks at the Milwaukee housewife as she bites her lip, concentrating as if her life depended on uttering the most popular response to this inane survey question. She’s really kickin’ those wheels into high gear up there. At last she blurts out: “MUFFINS!”

She’s bouncing and vibrating all over. She’s either ready to burst or smother Dawson in her ample midwestern bosom. Suffice to say, she’s excited. Dawson gives her a wink and a pat on the hand, wiggling his pinky ring with a flourish.

“Show me MUUUFFFINNNNS!”

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Snack Review: Gnu Bars

I agreed to review these because I am a sucker for anything with an animal in its name. I have no idea what prompted them to name these bars after large hoofstock - perhaps their herbivorous nature, and, um, very fibrous output was the inspiration? Because the big selling point of the Gnu Bar is, in large type on each wrapper: “Flavor and fiber together at last.”

Now, I was a little concerned about this, actually, when when I also read: “One bar deliciously provides almost 50% of the daily value of fiber.” I mean, these are pretty small. What if I forget and eat three? (And if you think my worries are silly, you might want to read Diana’s review of Fiber One Bars.)

And then I turned the bar over and read the following:

“Visit www.GnuFoods.com - Join the Movement!”

Oh dear. Is that a joke, or is it just me?

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Snack Review: Angelic Gourmet Chocolate Cranberry Orange Popcorn

You know, the holidays. You want to buy presents for people you don’t see very often, and something edible is a good bet. Everyone eats, after all. And if you get a gift you don’t like, at least it won’t take up space in your closet for years.

I got this snack from a well-meaning friend who didn’t realize that I am an individual of exquisitely refined taste, who appreciates the subtler things in life, the plain, unadorned, natural tastes of things instead of elaborate combinations of -

Oh, let’s face it. I am the kind of person who does not like different foods to touch each other on my plate. I would not buy something that combines chocolate, popcorn, cranberry, and orange any more than I would breed my pug dogs to a parakeet to see what kind of pet I got out of it.

But, readers, for you, I tried it. And let’s just say it did nothing to change my attitude toward too many things combined into one snack.

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I Drink Your MILKSHAKE!

Milkshakes have always been an important part of the complete snacker’s repertoire, and with the success of this year’s There Will Be Blood and the popularity of the quirky and brilliantly creepy “milkshake” scene (is there any doubt that Daniel Day-Lewis is a genius?), there seems to be a slight surge in popularity for the frosty and deeply satisfying drink.

You can also find t-shirts at the “Ultimate T-Shirt Search Engine” Teenormous featuring the milkshake-drinking catchphrase.

With cooler weather upon us, or at least gaining on us, I took one last look at this summertime beverage and compared a few of the choices on the market. Here are the astounding results.

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Snack Review: Mah Tong Huat Jolly Jolly Gel Snacks

Most of us have seen gel snacks. Usually in neons or bright pastels, bags of the miniature fruity cups line the snack aisles of Asian specialty stores everywhere. They tempt us with their cuteness and the promise of refreshing, unusual fruity flavors.

I’ve fallen victim to their superbly kawaii charms a few times in the past, mostly in my early teenage years - a halcyon era before I actually had to worry about the price of such indulgences. Though she might have given the price tags a questioning once-over, my mom never seemed to take too much issue with shelling out $2.99 a bag for snacks like these. After all, they were fruit-flavored, which automatically made them healthier than, say, giant cookies.

Although paying for my own groceries is a necessary evil of adulthood and all that jazz, I really miss being able to toss any snack I desired into the shopping cart with nary a care or concern. Now that I’m paying for my edible vices, I’ve become quite a cheapskate in some respects. Suddenly, I find myself having difficulty parting with three or more dollars for one snack, unless it’s an absolute favorite of mine. That means gel snacks, no matter how cutely packaged, are usually out of the question.

However, there’s always something new to discover in L.A.’s ethnic markets, and frequently those “somethings” I come across are cheap. On my most recent trip to the neighborhood Vietnamese emporium, one of my finds was a bag of Mah Tong Huat Jolly Jolly Snacks - a scarcely-believable steal, at 39 cents. Sure, the usual cutesy anime-style doodles were absent from the bag, replaced by too-realistic depictions of oranges and grapes oozing juice - but what do you expect for just under four cents a gel snack?

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