Snack Review: Kellogg’s Special K Blueberry, Special K Crackers, and FiberPlus Antioxidant Bars

In the wide world of snacking, the people at Kellogg’s are definite rockstars. I mean, they make most of the country’s favorite cereals. Sure, cereal is a tasty and simple-to-prepare breakfast. But most people in my acquaintance agree that the crunchy, highly-sugared goodness of Froot Loops and Frosted Flakes are just as satisfying - if not moreso - at three A.M., in the aftermath of a wild party, than before school or work.

Because of this legendary greatness, I was surprised, and flattered, when I heard Kellogg’s wanted to send l’il ol’ me a sampling of their newest products to review. When I received a package from the company’s headquarters in Battle Creek, MI, and accepted that the offer wasn’t a put-on, I began to worry. What if I didn’t like the samples I was sent? Would I be blacklisted by the crunchy conglomerate? Labeled a “cereal killer” and banned from major grocery stores for all eternity? Would I awaken at some ungodly hour to find the Honey Smacks Frog pelting me with poisonous goo while Tony the Tiger mauled me to death?

I gave these loathsome possibilities, and countless others, careful consideration. In the end, I squared my shoulders, gulped, and made the braver and morally sound decision. Supermarket snubbery and killer mascots be darned - in the name of journalistic integrity, I’d offer my honest opinions.

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Snack Review: Breyers Triple Chocolate Ice Cream

While visiting my Mom the other day, we discovered that we had the house to ourselves, so we brought out the Breyers ice cream. My Mom is a big fan of Breyers, so she always has some various flavor packed away in her freezer. This time it was Breyers Triple Chocolate All Natural Ice Cream.

I’m all for chocolate, but sometimes things can be a little too chocolaty, so I was hesitant to try it, figuring all three flavors combined would give my taste buds spasms. The three flavors in this ice cream carton were: white chocolate, dark chocolate and milk chocolate. I decided to try all of them separately before combining them.

I tried the white chocolate first: I noticed the taste of chocolate right away, but my Mom didn’t think so and said it tasted like plain vanilla. She is so wrong.

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Snack Review: Triple Chocolate Fudgsicle Assortment

After my traumatic experience with the Chocolate Éclair Bar, you’d think I’d have learned. But I was intrigued by the introduction of dark and white chocolate versions of the original Fudgsicle. I realized that this just left me open to the possibility that this would be a box of Triple Disappointment: the old-fashioned milk chocolate being not as good as I remembered and the new kinds being both not traditional and no good at all.

But what can I say? Hope springing eternal, as well as the fact that “Triple Disappointment” sounded like a charmingly bad translation of a name of a dish on a Chinese restaurant menu, sucked me in.

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Snack Review: Colossal Cookies from Bristol Farms

After my last stomach-churning encounter with oversize cookies from an overpriced market, I promised myself I’d abstain from such indulgences. I was forced to eat my silent words a few days ago, when a bevy of mountainous, delicious-looking cookies entered my line of sight at Bristol Farms. Trapped within their deadly line of influence, I had no choice but to obey their siren song. I drew steadily closer to the bakery counter, wanting to resist but unable to break the spell.

Entrancing though these cookies were, I needed to perform a litmus test before falling victim to another disgusting-snack swindle. Tentatively, I cupped one of the cookies in my hand. It was as heavy as it appeared, being of a texture that was simultaneously rock-like and slightly yielding. I held the sample specimen, a Pike’s Peak of chocolate chip delight, to my nose, and was rewarded with the scents of genuine butter, brown sugar, and chocolate. This cookie passed muster, as did the other three varieties (Oatmeal Raisin, Peanut Butter/Chocolate Swirl, and Colossal Toffee Crunch). Whole Foods nasty-cookie legacy be darned; I was sold.

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Snack Review: Clif’s Chocolate Peanut Mojo Bars

If you’re like me, consuming an energy bar is like eating a bar of lies. I don’t mean that they conceal their ingredients or exaggerate their benefits (although I’ve yet to find a bar that makes me float above the street, a la Marty McFly). What I mean is that I will never, under any circumstance, use an energy bar to:

A) run a marathon
B) power-hike along the Appalachian Trail, or
C) lift something 20 times my body weight, in homage to the noble ant

My lifestyle does not involve a Jeep. Nor does it include Timberland hiking boots, a Nalgene bottle, or a dog with a bandanna tied around its neck. Rather than utilize energy bars for their intended purposes, I use them to silence my grumbling stomach as I drive to work, or elevate my blood sugar levels during lectures I would otherwise sleep through. Truth be told, most of the time I don’t even buy these products, since their marketing seems specifically designed to shame my slovenly ways.

Take Clif Bars, for example. Their wrappers feature a man scaling a mountain. Legs flailing, he clings to a granite outcropping with all this might, his battered fingernails digging into the stubborn rock before him (the man has just enough energy to hold on, thanks to that 3 oz. of granola he ingested before climbing). Ah, the average Clif bar consumer! Always spending his free time dangling above certain death!

So, if you couldn’t already tell, I’m glad that Clif has come out with a less intense snack. Because frankly, some of us just can’t handle the X-tremeness of the standard Clif Bar product.

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