Snack Review: Terra Kettles Chef-Inspired Flavors

Okay, when you read this review’s title, how many of you asked yourselves “what the heck is a Terra Kettle?” Believe me, if I hadn’t seen the name on a package, I would have wondered the same thing. The image that springs immediately to mind is some mythological Greek god, hovering over a cauldron as he summons the elements to shape the developing Earth. It would also make a great name for a post-apocalyptic, time-traveling Hollywood blockbuster. I can imagine the tagline, spoken during the trailer in the booming, omniscient voice of that guy who always seems to do the honors: “Terra Kettle: Can they destroy the Earth before it destroys itself?”

As you see above, Terra Kettles are neither the lore of ancient societies nor another sign of Hollywood’s impending demise. “Terra” simply refers to the brand; longtime producers of creative chips made from all sorts of root vegetables. Craving yucca, yams or ruby taro along with your spuds? Terra serves ‘em all up, deep-fried, crisp and super-salty. “Kettles” are Terra’s cutesy abbreviation of “Kettle-cooked Potato Chips”. I’d tasted kettle corn, but didn’t recall tasting kettle chips, which gave no reason enough to try Terra Kettles. That, and the store sold them in two creative “chef-inspired” flavors I’d yet to see elsewhere in a potato chip. As you all know by now, I’m oddly attracted to “different” - okay, obscure to downright bizarre - flavors in my snacks.

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Snack Review: Calbee Snapea Crisps

I know, shouldn’t it be ‘snap pea’ or ’snappea’? But that’s not what it says on the bag. The pea has lost a ‘p’ somewhere in the transformation to crisps, it seems.

The other odd thing it says on the bag is “Snack salad.” I don’t know about you, but the first thing that comes to mind when I think ‘snack’ is definitely not ‘salad.’ Those are two words that make about as much sense together as “colorless green ideas.”

But, the thing is, I got this email from my mom the other day:

I am starting to be a little concerned about you
reviewing snacks on “Snackerrific” web site.

Are you eating regular REAL food?

OK, I am not going to go so far as eating a bag of baby carrots or anything like that. But ‘snack salad’ – that’s something a mother could love, right?

The question of course is, is it something ONLY a mother could love? The text on the bag sets our expectations rather high:

Your salad never got such a lift!
The pea has played an important role in dietary life and culture since the dawn of recorded history, and because of its nutritional value it has great potential for our dietary lives in the future.

OK, pea potential! So how do these measure up?

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Snack Review: Burger King Ketchup & Fries Potato Snacks

I saw these in the store and thought these would be cool to try. So, I stuck them in my cupboard for safekeeping yet whenever I opened it to find something to eat, I always passed these by thinking I wasn’t in the mood for them. I mean, come on, ketchup and fries chips? I wasn’t ready for that yet.

So one day I sucked it up and decided to open up the bag and finally try these out… before they ended up expiring in my cupboard.

When I first opened the bag, there was an overwhelming smell of ketchup. I like ketchup just as much as the next person, but this didn’t make me want to try these chips any faster.

As for the look, they kind of look like flat french fries with a reddish-orange tint to them. I seriously think I was dreading putting one of these things in my mouth. I held it up to my nose and was again blown away by the strong smell of ketchup.

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Snack Review: Cinnamon Sunchips

A friend of mine referred to me recently as “epicurean.” I found it odd at first that he should reach this revelation while watching me enjoy a Tootsie Pop - as tasty as the chocolaty pops of happiness may be, they’re hardly comparable to a fine wine. After doing a bit of research on Epicureanism, however, I realized the philosophy of Epicurus and his school is about more than being a food-and-drink snob. It’s about enjoying life in general, even the more seemingly-trivial aspects - including friendship, romance, and, yes, food and drink. A sense of adventure about these small pleasures is key to the philosophy, so I suppose my snacking habits are indeed epicurean. After all, I derive a lot of pleasure from trying odd and unusually-flavored snacks.

The other day, it might have been the spirit of Epicurus who guided me straight through the chip-aisle of a nearby discount store. Under his ghostly influence, I reached for a bag of Cinnamon-flavored Sunchips, wheeled my cart toward the counter, and purchased the strangely-flavored chips. My possession ended halfway through the drive home (poor Epicurus was probably frightened; life in ancient Greece hadn’t prepared him for LA traffic!).

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Snack Review: Seneca’s Crispy Cinnamon Apple Chips

Let me share something with you guys – I’m from the Berkshires, a tree-covered cow oasis at the edge of the demented rectangle that is Massachusetts (think “opposite of Cape Cod,” and you’re there). Where I grew up, old paper mills perch atop snow-covered foothills, cows bellow loudly at the rising sun, and restless teenagers throw loud, vodka-fueled house parties in an effort to quell their epic boredom. Basically, it’s like any other American suburb, but with fewer Republicans and more fresh air.

As far as I can tell, our economy sustains itself on two main exports: 1) Rustic New England Charm, which we serve by the bucketful to middle-age tourists from New York. And 2), apples.

Yes, round, glistening apples. In the Berkshires, apple orchards are as plentiful as Priuses blasting NPR. They inspire a love that other towns reserve for their high school football teams, or local dogs who save their owners by dialing 911 with their snouts. We even hold a three-day festival called the “Apple Squeeze,” which features more apple fritters than should be legally allowed within a four block radius.

What I’m trying to say with this extended introduction, is that when I placed one of Seneca’s Crispy Apple Chips in my mouth, I had a Proustian experience that transported me straight back to one of those Berkshire orchards. Seneca claims to use “fresh apples” in their products, and honestly, I have to believe them. Eating one of their Crispy Apple Chips felt like biting into a Macintosh plucked straight from the tree - and I’m fully aware of how schlocky that sounds.

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