Snack Review: Tillamook Country Smoker Old-Fashioned Beef Jerky
Most of us rush in and out of gas stations without a second thought. We spend our money, pump our gas, and buy coffee or cigarettes, if we must, to see us through the commute ahead. Focused on the final destination, be it the office, home, or some more pressing errand, who can blame us? Gas station shops are small and often grimy, with a heart-wrenchingly limited variety of cheap, over-processed snacks.
Or so it would seem.
In actuality, gas stations can be great spots to find local goodies and outright oddities. From fresh-baked Amish cookies in the Midwest to pickled eggs in the South and Mexican pastries in L.A., a visit to a gas station provides ample opportunity to glimpse (and smell, and taste) the local culture. Although Jim covered plenty of old favorites in a thoroughly enjoyable, nostalgic and somewhat irreverent Top-10 List of Gas Station Snacks, he neglected one snack seldom seen outside of gas stations.
Dear snackers, I give you… Old-Fashioned Beef Jerky.
This particular delicacy falls under the category of snacks I’d never really noticed, let alone tasted, before my work with Snackerrific. It was background scenery; always near the counter but not really a viable option for stomach or craving fulfillment. Despite its constant presence, I’d never actually seen someone buy it.
With so many beef jerkies on the market, can people truly be blamed for ignoring this version of smoked beef? It’s horribly homely, and its wafer-thin-yet-tough consistency brings to mind either human skin or shoe leather. It’s also the only type of beef jerky to be placed in communal plastic bins, rather than individual or multi-serving bags. I suppose this serving style is a marketing ploy, adding an element of “Wild West” authenticity. This may approximate storage methods of the cowboy era, but it strikes me as slightly unsanitary.
Under the influence of too little sleep and too much caffeine, I found myself at the neighborhood gas station a few nights ago. I was terribly hungry, but didn’t want to undergo too much caloric damage. “Hey!” I realized suddenly, “Beef jerky is healthy. Kinda.” Reasoning that at least it was high in protein and low in fat and carbs, I decided that would be my late-night dinner. Morbid curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to go with the thus-far-avoided Old-fashioned variety.
Approaching the aforementioned plastic bins, I attempted to rationalize my decision to try something so gross-looking and possibly unsafe. This would be an adventure, I reasoned. According to stickers on the bins, this old-fashioned trail treat was of the Tillamook brand, which also produces less-questionable bagged beef products - so I figured, if nothing else, the oversize sheets of cow-paper would be unlikely to sicken me. Plus, seeing as how it’s sold at gas stations everywhere and probably has been since they were “horse feeding stations,” the stuff has to have its fans, right?
The bin was divided into three segments, one for each variety of Tillamook Country Smoker Old-Fashioned Beef Jerky. I decided the “Original” would give me the purest, and best, insight into this heritage delight (I also reasoned it had a lower sugar content than either “Hot” or “Teriyaki”).
Extracting a single, rigid sheet from the bin with the provided metal tongs, I noticed something strange. “Ma’am,” I questioned the clerk, “are there bags for this jerky?”
The extraordinarily-bored young woman rolled her eyes and sighed, eventually extending one of the store’s plastic bags from behind the counter. Either she’d never seen someone purchase straight-from-the-bin jerky, either, or the typical consumer is too rugged and macho to deal with such formalities. Forking over $1.99 for the pleasure, I bagged my beefy hunk and hit the dusty trail.
Preparing to ride off into the sunset, I withdrew my provisions from the store bag. With great effort, I managed to wrest a bite-sized piece of jerky from the massive sheet, and began to chew. After a minute or so, I began to gnaw. The jerky simply refused to break down in my mouth! I wondered momentarily if I’d accidentally purchased beef-flavored chewing gum.
The jerky’s taste wasn’t as awful as I’d expected. It tasted vaguely of beef, but the meaty flavor was overpowered by horrendous amounts of sodium and nitrites. I’d never contemplated the pre-20th-century origins of chemically-mummified snacks before.
Half an hour and three-quarters of a leathery slab after beginning, I met an impasse. There was a line straight through the beef’s center which, no matter how I struggled, my teeth were unable to pierce. I studied the remnants of my meaty slab. It wasn’t gristle; too solid and not quite clear enough. After pulling away the jerky segment on the opposite side, I noticed an unnervingly obvious shape and texture.
Somehow, a bone had ended up in my jerky slab - given its size and breadth, I didn’t think the bone belonged to a cow. Wow, this jerky really WAS authentically old-fashioned! Losing what remained of my appetite, I promptly tossed what remained of the slab in the trash.
I have my beef jerky moods. I actually adore certain products, such as Jack Link’s Beef Steak Nuggets. Tillamook Country Smoker Old-Fashioned Beef Jerky, though, failed to win me over. One commenter on this site recently compared Combos to “Dog Treats for Humans.” I’d actually say this comes far closer.
Tillamook Country Smoker Website
Buy Jerky Online
- at Amazon.com
7 Comments
Rose on October 22nd, 2008
I’m gald someone reads my comments. It makes reading blogs at work so worthwile.
joe on November 3rd, 2008
Yeah, that sounds disgusting. I can’t bring myself to buy jerky from an open bin in a gas station. I understand that sanitation-wise, it could be just as safe as much of the homemade jerky out there, but I just don’t trust eating from a bin where people could have had their hands in it and God only knows what bored employees might do with it on a slow night. You are much braver than I!
Bob on December 20th, 2008
Rachel,
I find your review rather comical as I sit here drinking my morning coffee. It would seem to me that someone who reviews snack items should understand the category before they write an article. I have been a salesperson in the consumer goods industry for almost thirty years and I represented a meat snacks company for six years, not Tillamook. I love jerky and am a typical meat eating male. Your comments on the nuggets that are considered “beef steak” are higher in moisture and consequently more tender. Jerky is designed to be dryer and takes longer to chew. I am sure what you found in your piece is not bone and if you took the time to contact Tillamook I am sure they would have offered to replace your product.
Happy holidays, Bob
Rachel on December 20th, 2008
Bob,
With all due respect, Sir, I’ve tasted many beef jerkies in my day. I understand that jerky is dry and chewy, by its nature. I also understand that “Country Style/Old Fashioned” jerky is supposed to
taste exactly as mine did. I’m not disputing the intended flavor of the snack. I’m only admitting to not caring for it, and personally finding it less than appetizing. I’m sure this is an old favorite of
a lot of people. If it were not, bins full of the stuff would no longer grace counters. Having an opinion and expressing it, Sir, should not be misconstrued as “not understanding the category”.
It’s central to being a critic.
Now, were I writing for Tillamook, and being paid to do so for marketing purposes, I’d have nothing but praise for the smoky, rugged morsels of manliness.
Happy Holidays to you, as well…
Rachel
P.S. — The misfit item in my jerky was either a bone or a bit of cartilage which had never fully hardened.
crzy on September 24th, 2009
i love those tillamook jerky slabs =)
jerkyhead on January 1st, 2010
I’m actually eating a peice of this right now…drunk…i picked it up at an AM/PM gas station and it is the “original” flavor.
Extremely tough and dry..although this place did have little paper slips to put it in..although they only covered about half the jerky..so more of a holding device than storage for the road.
Anyways the jerky tastes pretty good right now..a little salty and lots of sodium but sometime that tastes good. A decent beefy taste is present too
Bottom line for 1.99 i think its worth it…jerky is expensive nowadays with most bags costing 5.99 etc for a few ounces. I gladly opted for this instead.
It reminds of some middle aged beef ration it soo damned tough!!
Wolfidy on October 20th, 2008
It never does come with a bag and it’s not so bad after you learn how toeat it. There’s a method to it that I learned so long ago, I can’t even begin to tell you what it is.
…or maybe I only like it ’cause I grew up with it. *shrug*