Snack Review: Mother’s Iced Lemonade Cookies

When I first encountered Mother’s Cookies on the shelves of a local 7-Eleven, I was skeptical to say the least. Several warning bells went off, all of which combined into a siren screaming “FAMILY DOLLAR REJECT!” Yes, these cookies gave every sign of being super-low quality and very, very… wrong.

First off, there’s the color scheme and package design. On a white background, pink and purple stripes are arranged in a pattern resembling a circus tent. One corner is occupied by a headshot of a plump redhead with an old-fashioned blouse-and-apron ensemble. Finally, there’s the brand name, “Mother’s.” My reflexive first thought was “what you sayin’ bout my mama?”

Was the company responsible for these cookies trying to say my mom was old-fashioned and dowdy? Were they saying my mom was a circus freak? Most of all, was this company trying to say that my mother - the woman who raised me - baked dollar-store caliber cookies? If they were, I’d have none of it. With a clear memory of my mom’s uber-yummy Rainbow Blondies, I set out to disprove the presumptuous brand’s claims… this time, it was personal.

I chose the “Iced Lemonade” variety of cookies for my review… most likely because the name reminded me of the “Lemon Icebox Cookies” I’d enjoyed as a kid. I figured that, no matter how low-quality the brand was as a whole, the “Iced Lemonade” cookies would represent as much flavor as “Mother’s Cookies” had to offer. Still heated over all the insults hurled at my poor, defenseless mother, I prepared to tear open the three-ounce bag.

But wait - I’d missed something! On the back of the package, underneath the “Mother’s Cookies” big-top, was a short blurb:

“Mother’s Cookies aren’t assembled in a factory; they’re made in a bakery by people who love to bake cookies. Since 1914, we’ve prided ourselves on inventing new and fun kinds of cookies. And we have a great time doing it! Whatever your taste, Mother’s has your flavor - enjoy!”
The blurb ended with the following less-than-brilliant and overly-capitalized/alliterative motto: “The Cookies in the Passionate Purple Package ™.”

Naturally, I didn’t believe a word of the blurb. No mass-produced, convenience-store cookies are “made in a bakery by people who love to make cookies” - unless the definition of “people” has broadened to encompass artificial intelligence. I didn’t exactly buy “Passionate Purple Package” either - nothing about “Mother’s Cookies” really struck me as genuine or “Passionate.”

I opened the bag, withdrew my first cookie, and examined it. Whatever I’d been expecting, I got something quite different. I’d assumed the cookie would be flat, with the texture of sawdust and an artificial smell melding “stale” and “generically sweet.” Instead, I found the Iced Lemonade cookie to be a small shortbread round, with a suitably crumbly texture and a light glaze of yellow icing in an surprisingly normal shade. The cookie-let smelled slightly and invitingly of… actual lemon.

Biting in, I half-expected something untouched since 1990. Once again, I was pleasantly surprised. The cookie was proportionately thick, moist-yet-crumbly in the tradition of the best old-school shortbreads, and fresh-tasting. In addition, it actually managed to taste like lemonade - and not unnaturally so. Even the icing managed to avoid the overpowering, cloying taste so common in actual dollar-store cookies.

I tried another, holding it in my mouth until it became delicious lemon-mush. I really liked these cookies. If they were slightly less identical, I might actually believe the package claim about them being made by “people.” If they were larger and slightly warmer, to boot, I might even imagine they’d emerged fresh from the oven of the old-world maternal figure/roustabout on the bag.

I’ll forgive Mother’s Cookies, if somewhat begrudgingly, for the insults aimed at my guiltless mom. Cookies this good, natural-tasting, and downright addictive don’t deserve my ire, regardless of their crime. As far as I’m concerned, they have every right to claim to be the product of some long-since-deceased, universal “Mother” figure. As far as convenience store cookies are concerned, Mother’s Cookies - at least the Iced Lemonade variety - are among the best. But they still don’t compare to MY mother’s.

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