I admit it: like the guy in the Monty Python skit, I came here for an argument.

All I wanted were some cookies. But I was at Whole Foods, where even cookies are a political statement. Everything about this box of cookies annoys me. I hate the fake old-fashioned design of the logo. I think there has never been a stupider name for a company than Late July. I am suspicious about the “2g whole grains per serving” claim on a cookie – and I don’t eat cookies to get my antioxidants, either. And finally, the “Dark chocolate - intense and decadent” thing – well, you’re obviously spoiling for a fight, Late July people.

As I said about Crummy Brothers Organic Chocolate Chip Cookies , there is one sense in which I always have high hopes for all natural baked goods. While there is something annoying about a label that trumpets a list of NON-ingredients that takes up the whole side of the box – no trans fats, no hydrogenated oils, no corn syrup, etc, etc – it is also the case that those are all Nos that are true of my own home baked goods. So why shouldn’t the product be perfectly delicious?

Sigh. And yet, they always seem to manage to mess it up somehow.

Late July sandwich cookies, I know a lot of “intense and decadent” dark chocolate products. I’ve eaten dark chocolates that cost fifty dollars a pound. Something like Burdick or Scharrfenberger – that’s my standard for intense and decadent dark chocolate. Late July sandwich cookies, you are no intense and decadent dark chocolate product.

If they hadn’t raised the expectations so high, I might have thought these were OK. But the cookies are really not even as dark-chocolaty as an Oreo, in my opinion. And the filling is of a kind of waxy consistency that does not remind me of fifty dollar a pound chocolates, not one bit. And the rough texture of the design on the cookie – not sharp relief like an Oreo – makes me suspect that the whole grain thing is a big part of the problem.

And while this has nothing to do with the taste, what’s this on their website about how
“on any given day you can find three generations at work including six-year-old Stephen and two-year-old Benjamin.” I mean, I know you are proud of your old-fashioned style, Late July, but isn’t child labor taking it a bit far?

So, Late July? Dial down the hype, change your name, and then maybe get back to me. In the meantime I’m going to have an Oreo.

• Late July website

Buy Late July Products Online:

• at Amazon.com