Snack Review: Klondike Caramel Pretzel Bars (and the Wide World of Grocery Store Ice Cream in General)
Slightly under a week ago, our editor Caitlin committed a deed which was simultaneously wonderful and dastardly. She sent each of Snackerrific’s staff writers several coupons for free ice cream products. “But wait,” you might wonder. “That’s downright nice! Wherever does this ‘dastardly’ nonsense come into play?”
You should take into account, dear snackers, that I’m a woman. A not-so-pleasingly plump one at that; all-natural in the midst of L.A. - AKA Silicone Valley. As such, I’ve developed a bit of an unhealthy (so my boyfriend claims) inferiority complex.
I’m attempting to get into slightly better shape, with near-daily gym workouts, but - here’s the rub - I love to eat. More specifically, I enjoy feasting on loads of high-calorie, fatty snacks to the exclusion of “normal” food. So, while the weight appears to be sloooowly releasing itself from my ample curvaceous parts, I doubt I’ll attain a “Hollywood-perfect” body without drastically revamping my eating habits.
As regular Snackerrific readers know, I can’t resist a bargain any more than I can resist a rich ‘n’ sinful delight (my last name is Roth; you do the math). By default, when I see free food, I have to indulge (assuming it’s not chocolate-covered broccoli)! Naturally, coupons for free ice cream treats meant my diet for the next few days would consist of ice cream. Temptation and free review opportunities outweighing visions of a more beautiful body, I headed to the local Ralph’s.
As much as I adore ice cream, I have very little experience shopping for it. I’ve always preferred buying my fix from places like Cold Stone Creamery and Ben & Jerry’s Scoop Shops. Store-brought ice cream just doesn’t seem to hold a candle somehow. Plus, after a few days, you get that kinda gross, icy freezer-burn, and soon the stuff slides into the land of the inedible. But this time it was different - high-quality or low; freezer-burn or no - it didn’t matter too much, because this ice cream was FREE! Besides, with very little else around, it wouldn’t last long enough to incur any sort of damage (hopefully).
After choosing a few varieties of Breyer’s ice cream, I went on to the novelties. Ice cream novelties such as Nutty-Buddies, Good Humor bars and ice cream sandwiches are something I used to adore as a small child, but somehow in the past several years they haven’t tempted me. Maybe it’s because my tastes eventually matured beyond the traditional vanilla-mockolate-nut combo, preferring to sample more exotic treats.
It came as a surprise to discover that, apparently, ice cream novelties have matured as well. The offerings in Ralph’s well-stocked freezer cases trod far beyond the traditional kid-friendly offerings of the neighborhood truck. I was especially impressed with the variety of offerings from Klondike.
Like every other soul on the planet, I’ve heard the Klondike Bar jingle (what would you do-oo-oo… ?) and immediately associate the bars with insane stunts being performed in their honor. Now, in my opinion, there’s not a treat on Earth worth, say, diving off your balcony naked for, and if I were to engage in such activity for any snack-reward, it wouldn’t be a slab of plain, mediocre vanilla ice cream in a mockolate suit (even at age five). I’d demand a lot for my embarrassment and potential injury!
With the sorts of Klondikes available now, I’m happy to report the company’s coming closer to giving brave/foolish would-be stuntmen, and shoppers, a fair deal. Relative value wouldn’t matter to me on this trip though, as everything would be FREE. Ralph’s had at least eight riffs on the bar in stock - including such flavors as Chocolate-Cherry, Heath Toffee, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. After several minutes of contemplation, though, I decided to go with the Caramel Pretzel variety. It sounded the most interesting - in addition to the layer of caramel and the pretzel-studded mockolate shell, the flavor within was chocolate malt. Oooooh… aaaaah.
When I got home, I almost immediately ripped open one of my Klondike bars. The smell was sweet and vaguely “chocolaty,” but gave no real indication of the taste or quality. I bit in. Whoa!! It had been a while since I’d had fresh-from-the-freezer ice cream, and I was totally unprepared for the brain (and mouth) freeze. I felt the snap of the pretzel-laced mockolate, which was, in fact, a very pleasant sensation, but it took 30 seconds or so for the assorted tastes and textures in the bar to fully assert themselves.
Once they did, I was fairly pleased with the bar’s overall flavor - especially the pretzels and caramel which teamed up to give the bar its name. Although the mockolate shell was the typical greasy, artificial type of coating found in most ice cream novelties, the pretzels added an extra crunch and… saltiness, which brought an additional layer of enjoyment to every bite. The caramel, applied liberally to the ice cream’s topside directly under the shell, reminded me of Dulce de Leche - it was a fiercely concentrated blend of milk, butter and brown sugar, providing a delightful contrast to the salty pretzels in the coating.
It saddens me some to report that the bar’s heart - its pad of chocolate malt ice cream - tastes neither chocolaty nor particularly malty. I was expecting something along the lines of Whoppers, but what I tasted was quite similar to vanilla, with the slightest trace of malt once it was near-melted enough to taste.
All told, I liked this bar quite a bit more than I ever expected to like a Klondike Bar in my adulthood. True, the flavor of the ice cream itself was forgettable. But that didn’t really do too much harm to the overall experience, seeing as this was the “Caramel Pretzel Bar” and not the “Malted Milk Bar.” I’d highly recommend this bar if you find yourself with a craving for something sweet, salty, and cold.
Although the Klondike Bar has matured in terms of flavor selection, it hasn’t grown up at all when it comes to messiness. That’s one reason I’ve tended to avoid Klondike Bars in the past - the sheer impossibility of eating one without smearing yourself in melted mockolate and ice cream. It’s fine for the sandbox set, but as an adult, such messiness is kind of… looked down upon. Forget crazy stunts - in my opinion, free Klondike Bars should be awarded to whomever figures out a neat and proper way to eat one, without the aid of a built-in stick or cone.
2 Comments
Rachel on October 9th, 2008
::blush:: You have a point. I think that’s what I’ll do from now on.
amy on October 9th, 2008
to avoid the messiness, would it be too awful to break up the bar in a bowl and eat it with a spoon (or fork)?