To be honest, fruit rolls (or rollups, which always sounds to me like the stomach-crunching calisthenics I was ordered to perform in seventh grade) have never thrilled me. Maybe it’s because my kids occasionally request them, and most of the offerings on the market are so sickly sweet and utterly sticky (say that ten times fast) that they’re more trouble than they’re worth. On the rare occasions I ate a Fruit Roll-Up, I always felt as though I were consuming artificially sweetened and flavored industrial adhesive, and paying for the privilege.

So, it was with much trepidation that I received a large box of assorted Jovy Fruit Rolls containing enough flattened and rolled fruit to feed a small army of hungry children and nervous adults.
I was pleasantly surprised by this product and enjoyed nearly every flavor. Consider me a convert to Jovianism.

The rolled-out product had a natural and subtle color with tiny flecks of fruit and an occasional seed. Most surprising of all was a welcome lack of stickiness to the product itself: you can roll it around between your fingers with no residue, and chew it to your heart’s content and it won’t stick to your teeth. For this alone, Jovy Fruit Rolls had me at hello.

Mango: A well-executed flavor that actually tasted like mango without the stringy pulp.

Apricot: A pleasingly sweet and authentic apricot concoction.

Strawberry Kiwi: The mildest flavor and the first one I tried, it tasted of tart strawberries. In my experience it’s difficult to replicate the taste of kiwi without biting into an actual kiwi. I applaud the Jovy attempt at this exotic fruit, but alas, they fell short. A better name for this flavor would be “Mild Strawberry.” Still, quite tasty.

Grape: Reminded me of grape Kool-Aid, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

Green Apple: The most unnatural of the flavors, it tastes more like candy than fruit.

Cherry: Ehh. Strong taste of Maraschino cherries. Maybe it’d be more enjoyable skewered with a plastic sword toothpick and dropped into a Tom Collins or Manhattan.

Strawberry: The most disappointing flavor. I am a fool for anything strawberry (ice cream, milk shakes, Life Savers, actual strawberries, The Strawberry Alarm Clock psychedelic rock band of the 60s), but this fruit roll tasted like the essence of the perfume permeating your grandmother. Ick. (Nothing against your grandmother.) Very, very unnatural with a cloyingly sweet aftertaste (again, not your grandmother). Thanks, but no thanks, Grandma.

Raspberry: Delightful. Natural raspberry taste without the annoying seeds.

One caveat: The Five Second Rule does NOT apply to this snack. Even if your kitchen floor is as spotless as a sterile operating room, if you drop this fruit roll on the floor, do not eat it; the roll acts like a lint magnet and will attract every stray hair and speck of dust in the immediate area.

All flavors combine dehydrated apple and pear mixed with natural fruit flavoring. Jovy Fruit Rolls are manufactured in Mexico and distributed from California; you should definitely check them out if you’re looking for a tasty alternative to the sticky plastic of Fruit Roll-Ups!

• Jovy Fruit Rolls Website (in Spanish, for now)