Snack Review: Angelic Gourmet Chocolate Cranberry Orange Popcorn
You know, the holidays. You want to buy presents for people you don’t see very often, and something edible is a good bet. Everyone eats, after all. And if you get a gift you don’t like, at least it won’t take up space in your closet for years.
I got this snack from a well-meaning friend who didn’t realize that I am an individual of exquisitely refined taste, who appreciates the subtler things in life, the plain, unadorned, natural tastes of things instead of elaborate combinations of -
Oh, let’s face it. I am the kind of person who does not like different foods to touch each other on my plate. I would not buy something that combines chocolate, popcorn, cranberry, and orange any more than I would breed my pug dogs to a parakeet to see what kind of pet I got out of it.
But, readers, for you, I tried it. And let’s just say it did nothing to change my attitude toward too many things combined into one snack.
This snack is a totally multidimensional experience of tastes and textures - with all the dimensions being not only incompatible, but entirely individually nasty as well. First there’s a hit of salt, then chocolate that’s too sweet, with an aromatic orange-oil, possibly artificial, overtone; more salt as you chew, vaguely stale popcorn-texture is noted, along with the melting in the mouth of somewhat oily chocolate.
ICK. I had to go run and eat a pretzel to clear my palate. OK. Let’s continue.
The chocolate, although dark in color, is not very strong dark chocolate in flavor. I took some off and ate it plain, and it’s really not worth eating alone, so there’s no reason to expect it would improve another food in an unconventional combination.
Orange is not my favorite combination with chocolate. It was rather fashionable at one time, I seem to recall; maybe there’s a good reason it isn’t anymore. I’m not really sure where the cranberry comes in, except that there are a few dried cranberries here and there in the bag.
As for the popcorn - well, this kind of thing contradicts my whole concept of popcorn. I normally eat only fresh popped popcorn, with nothing added but salt. It is a food that seems like perfection to me. Why would you add these other things to it? Why would you put it in a bag and not eat it till it gets old?
Now, I have to admit, if you are the person who likes this sort of thing, this may be the sort of thing that you’ll like. Maybe I am not a fair judge. But if there’s anything angelic about this snack - well, excuse me while I go out and find some sins to commit, because as far as I am concerned, anything would be better than an eternity eating this kind of snack food.
Gladstone's Under The Sun on June 23rd, 2009
We will be exhibiting at the New York Fancy Food Show, booth #5359. We believe our products may work well together; how about Dried Wild Maine Blueberries, or natural flavored orange cranberries. Please stop by, say “Hello” and try some samples.