Snack Review: Annie’s Organic Bunny Classics Buttery Rich Crackers

I’m always looking for something that tastes exactly like a Ritz Cracker and isn’t a Ritz Cracker. Why do I stubbornly persist in not just buying Ritz Crackers, a fine classic product that, unlike so many other things that I complain about, has remained relatively unchanged? Because I keep reading the label on them and deciding that if I’m going to eat something that gets half its calories from fat, I could have ice cream or potato chips. A cracker doesn’t seem worth it.

But, the ice cream and potato chips don’t quell the craving for Ritz crackers. So I am a sucker for a yellowish-colored cracker with holes poked in the top and scalloped edges. And of course I am a sucker for anything with an animal on the label. Even worse, some of the crackers themselves are shaped like bunnies. I could not resist.

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Snack Review: Gnu Bars

I agreed to review these because I am a sucker for anything with an animal in its name. I have no idea what prompted them to name these bars after large hoofstock - perhaps their herbivorous nature, and, um, very fibrous output was the inspiration? Because the big selling point of the Gnu Bar is, in large type on each wrapper: “Flavor and fiber together at last.”

Now, I was a little concerned about this, actually, when when I also read: “One bar deliciously provides almost 50% of the daily value of fiber.” I mean, these are pretty small. What if I forget and eat three? (And if you think my worries are silly, you might want to read Diana’s review of Fiber One Bars.)

And then I turned the bar over and read the following:

“Visit www.GnuFoods.com - Join the Movement!”

Oh dear. Is that a joke, or is it just me?

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Snack Review: Bachman Pretzel Rods

Here’s what’s remarkable about pretzels: They basically have only, what, four ingredients? Flour, water, yeast, salt. There may be little bits of other things like fat and sweetener. But how can they be so different when that’s all there is to it?

I guess it’s not too surprising, because that’s all there is to bread, also, and bread can be very different with just those ingredients even before you start adding fancy stuff to it. Not surprising, but inconvenient, because in my house, there is only one kind of acceptable pretzel rod - and it’s a brand we can’t find where we live now.

Our favorite is Bachman’s. We bought a stash of them on a recent trip up north, and found that the bag now makes a big deal out of their difference: They’re Rolled! Um, WTF?

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Snack Review: Safeway Green Tea Ice Cream

I was so excited to see green tea ice cream in my Safeway - in the Safeway store brand! If Safeway is making this flavor, it must really have become mainstream. And if green tea ice cream is mainstream, can black sesame be far behind, at least in specialty brands?

Well, if you are a fan of green flavor, I will have mercy and not torture you with suspense: this was sooooo disappointing.

The first hint should have been that this green tea flavor comes with a big swirl of vanilla ice cream in it. I wondered, did they think that Americans would find this so scary that they needed something comforting and familiar mixed in?

Well, it’s worse than that. They thought that Americans would find this flavor so scary that they left all the flavor out.

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Snack Review: Angelic Gourmet Chocolate Cranberry Orange Popcorn

You know, the holidays. You want to buy presents for people you don’t see very often, and something edible is a good bet. Everyone eats, after all. And if you get a gift you don’t like, at least it won’t take up space in your closet for years.

I got this snack from a well-meaning friend who didn’t realize that I am an individual of exquisitely refined taste, who appreciates the subtler things in life, the plain, unadorned, natural tastes of things instead of elaborate combinations of -

Oh, let’s face it. I am the kind of person who does not like different foods to touch each other on my plate. I would not buy something that combines chocolate, popcorn, cranberry, and orange any more than I would breed my pug dogs to a parakeet to see what kind of pet I got out of it.

But, readers, for you, I tried it. And let’s just say it did nothing to change my attitude toward too many things combined into one snack.

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